Blogger Circa 2010.

Fast forward to 2016.

Kill me.

I feel old. Out dated.

 

Not nearly as humorous, chic or word savvy as some of these kids.

This big ole' world of fabulous ladies and gents has changed oh so much.

And I'm not sure where I am left standing in the midst of the humor, fashion, the makeup, and other magical- mystical realms of this world anymore.

 

Do I talk about my never a dull moment/ridiculous life with Husband

and our 5 precious little humans?

 

Like the time my Nickster decided to inform my husband that I had been gang banged....

Oh but yes, that REALLY happened.

2 people know this story. I am forever embarrassed.

I wish this conversation was being recorded.

Hello AFV. I'd be $50k richer.

 

Setting: Living room, playing Black Ops 3 with my kid and Husband.

(Because what do all other cool Mama Bears and Wifeys do?)

 

Nick: "Mom, you totally just got gang-banged!!!!"

Me: "What?!?"

Husband: "Mommy, have you been gang-banged before?"

Me: "N-"

Nick: "YES YOU HAVE, MOM!!!!!! DON'T EVEN TRY TO LIE! I'VE SEEN IT!!!"

 

God help me. As you can imagine, I almost had a stroke.

 

Apparently, getting your arse kicked on Team Death Match is now this generations fully renounced meaning of "getting gang-banged".

I'm still a little dead inside from that one.

 

Or do I tell you all about my fancy smancy workout routine I did tonight in my living room- 5 sets of 10, all while squatting with a 50lb Diva on my back. Do I mention I almost died, fell back on the very last one and did NOT harm my child in the process? Leaving out that earlier today I totally enjoyed shoving a Five Guys Burger in my mouth and some fries. For the record, I plan for it to be my last regular cheat meal for a while. I am also pretty sure I won't be able to move tomorrow.

 

Husband may not know it, but we are going to start practicing Acro-yoga together.

SHOCKER!!

He says, "Only after we obtain some sort of health insurance, because of his bigness and my natural clumsiness, I am sure to injure some delicate part of my body or worse, his..." He's probably right. After we hit the big leagues and are Acro Yogi extraordinaires, we I will start a ridiculous Insta account you can all enjoy.

I know, I know.

You're welcome.

 

There is actually no real point to this post, other than I have no clue what to blog about in this world of fabulous unicorns anymore. And everyone, including me, is on some sort of device in my living room and I needed someone to ramble to.

 

Struggle of Generation Technology is real, yall.

 

The night is young, I am about to go blast some Zombs with my kid and get gang banged... 

and I just had to spell JAIL for my 7 year old.

 

Lord, sweet baby Jesus...

SAVE US ALL.

 

Mama Bear, out.