Thursday, March 10, 2016

Lies I tell you..

9 years into Momhood and one conversation with a gorgeous Mama friend of mine later....
Got me thinking...

Why aren't more Moms just real about this ish?  I mean, pushing a human out of your hoo haa is not a walk in the park, people.

Lies.

It's not all roses or peach daquiris...
(God I love peach daquiris!)

Let's be real!

Sometimes, 70% of the time, being a Mom sucks.

It literally started off with with a pain in the ass...

Yes, there are all those moments- sweet, snuggly, googly-eyed moments that make us melt, I'm sure there are-everyday, but---

What about the in between moments? The ones that make you wanna pull your hair out, that no one seems to want to talk about?

The first time you breast fed, it sucked that you felt like a failure because you couldn't get brand new bundle of joy to latch on correctly, your nipples are gushing blood (totes NORMAL, right?) and the lactation nurse isn't helping matters calling you every 10 mins making you feel like your kid is in fact STARVING, or maybe baby was colicky, or what about the time you lived 13 hours away from your family and you didn't have anyone to ask to watch the little pipsqeak long enough to wash the 3 day old spit up out of your hair?

Don't ask me why there was 3 days of not washing my hair. I was hormonal, emotional and tired. The thought of undressing and seeing my post baby body made me want to spit up myself. The actual energy to bend over in the shower to pick up all the hair I was losing wasn't worth it. God forbid I actually shave my week long unshaven legs or underarms. The thought of doing any of these made me want to cry...but sleep more. 

It's draining somedays.

And I don't know about y'all, but I wanted to be selfish. Let the baby cry and go in the room and cry myself. My first born was the easiest baby ever. Independent. Silly. Happy. But 10mo into being his mom, I realized, I didn't want to be.

Not because he wasn't the best or coolest kid on the block, because DUH- he was-and not because I couldn't remember what it was like before our worlds collided and my existence was purely for his life only.

But because post pregnancy messes with your brain- and then I realized, I was sad. And for some reason, people don't like to talk about sad.

This amazing human being loved me, I was his world, everything I had ever imagined being to someone and then when the day was over.. I didn't want any of it.

I wanted to be in college with all my friends. I wanted to be out and about, living my life for me and no one else. 

Pregnant with baby number 2 chasing first born through Epcot to the finding Nemo ride was so memorable.. Did I mention it was my 21st birthday and I was chasing a damn toddler around in between crowds of people with goofy looking grins and mouse ears on their heads and not tequila shots?

Tell me again, why they say pregnant women can't drink? Oh, yeah.. Their health and stuff... Im convinced a man must have come up with that.

But what about our sanity? 

How about the time my precious little Nick Nick decided to grab the new little alien looking thing by her ankles WHEN SHE WAS ONLY 2wks OLD and proceeded to hang her upside down by her feet...

Somehow and incredibly enough- she's tougher than him now. She makes him cry.

Then fast forward to this week, when you feel as if you're already struggling to be The good Mom, perfect Mom, make the right decisions, keep up the good work and then shit hits the fan and you find yourself struggling even more at trying to be a even better step-mom. Can I just say that being a step mom is harder than I ever imagined?

 My kids naturally love me. We fight, we make up. I give them tough love, two door slams and about 15 mins later, I feel there teeny little arms wrap around my waist and they tell me they love me.

However, I've learned that having step children is a whole different ball game. They don't have to like you, let alone love you. They don't even have to talk to you if they don't wanna. Also- you can't make them.

Especially when you have to be more than JUST their friend and step mom, you have to be a real life in the moment, giving all the tough love you can, Mom. And those times suck even worse.

It's jaded. It makes you feel like you've got your shit together, but at the same time--
It makes you feel like you've totally failed somewhere at some point in the last 2 years of being in their lives.

I am the proud lover of all 3 of my step darlings. They complete my heart and soul in ways I never thought I could understand.

When I became a mom, no one ever told me how hard it would be. When I became a step mom, shit got real real.

For the very first time I realized, I'm not perfect. I'm gonna piss someone off or all 5 of them off at the same time. And that's when the magic happens.

If someone's not pissed at me, I must be doing something wrong. Because when they are upset, I am doing something right.

Pat on the back there, C.

Has it been worth every bit of the last 9 years of my life up until today? Totally.

And every ounce of red wine I have consumed to get me through it later.

Because sometimes us Moms just need a little encouragement from a friend or when shit gets real tough, a big box of wine. Or both.

Raising humans is hard in a world that is now weirder, harder, and a whole lot damn scarier than it was when I was growing up.

We all have that selfish part of us, that part that says I'd rather be sipping martinis on a Manhattan Sky Rise with the girls or at the beach with your big floppy hat, shades, cute new momkini, with an umbrella drink in your hand- no children in sight that are biologically yours- rather than wiping the butts and boogers out of our little human noses or dealing with their teen stuff.

We are human. It's okay to not be okay with Moming that day. Some days suck worse than others and it's okay to admit it.

But here's the kicker, we do it. It'd drive us crazy if we couldn't.

It may not feel like your winning at this thing every day, but I can guarantee you, regardless if you've not showered in 3 days or you left your kid in his stroller and walked off to see a firework show at Walt Disney World-minus said kid in stroller, (Total I thought YOU had him moment!) You're winning.

And hopefully at this time none of you are reporting me to DHR.

Rock on Mamas,
Chrys

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